Earlier this month I attended the Emerald City Romance Writers’ Conference with a friend and fellow romance writer. It was an amazing weekend filled with lessons on how to pitch to agents/editors, writing sex scenes, self-publishing, editing your own stories, and writing dialog – really anything you’ve ever wanted to learn about writing romance was offered. That weekend, though, I learned something I already knew. Sort of an epiphany, I realized how important it is and I felt compelled to share it with you. Ready?
“The world needs more romance.”
When I was a little girl my mother had all the Harlequin romance books. You know the thin little books with Victorian ladies who wear gloves and carry parasols. I didn’t understand how she could enjoy reading them. I preferred Anne McCaffrey, Robert Asprin (they’re sci-fi), Nancy Drew mysteries, and anything written by Stephen King. I’d rather read anything except romance. Although I still read science fiction, mysteries, and horror, it strikes me as sort of ironic that I read and write romance now (sci-fi erotic romance… but still romance). I love love. I love kindness, compassion, and passion, and what I didn’t realize as a girl was that romance is more than just entertainment – it’s a necessity.
Romance is hopeful. The number one rule of romance novels is the Happily Ever After. You know if you’re reading a romance then the guy will get the girl, or the girl will get the girl (depends on what you read). That’s the Happily Ever After, even if it’s just for now. Identifying with someone, seeing their struggles, watching them overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles to end up with the one they love… that’s hope. If they can do it, so can you.
Romance is love. It’s funny, and sweet, and steamy, and tender. It’s connecting with another human being and making them feel special, and valued. Romance is different than sex, but in most relationships, if you want the sex to be great then you’ll need to engage in a little romance before.
Romance is fun! Seriously, don’t take it so seriously. Romance is probably the most fun and under-utilized endeavor in our relationships. Being romantic doesn’t take much work, and the payoff is great! Some people are afraid of romance… “What if it doesn’t work?” Here’s a little tip: Romance is seldom perfect, and it doesn’t have to be.
The secret to great romance? Easy, just three little things:
1. Talk to your lover. Communication is key in all relationships, intimate or not. What works for you may not work for him/her. Have a loving conversation with your partner and talk about what turns her on, and be willing to talk about what turns you on. It’s a gift of trust when you reveal your sexual and romantic preferences, and remember she or he’s trusting you as well. Trust like that will only serve to strengthen your bond and make any romantic venture more fulfilling.
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3. Appreciate your lover’s efforts. They have been willing to take a risk, and when you appreciate what they’ve done it gives their actions value. If someone feels valued they’re more likely to continue to do and try new things!
That’s it. It really is that simple, and a little romance yields great results. Like the tiny drop of water in a still pond, the impact is greater than the action.
So this month, my reader, I ask that you bring more romance into your relationships. Talk to your lover, take the risk, and appreciate the efforts. In a world struggling to maintain basic civility, I challenge you to bring more positivity, more playfulness, more hope, love, and happiness into the world.
P.S. One of my favorite things about romance? Cover models!
My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it! I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). If you have any topics you’d like to talk about, reach out to me at write2unpack@gmail.com. Oh, hey, and if you sign up to follow me you’ll never miss a post!